Collected from various sources 1996 - present

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English

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

Love

He told her that her eyes were twin wells of infinite recursion.
She looked at him and said - `What?'
It's not easy being a Lisp hacker in love.

Management

A man is flying in a hot-air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts:
"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says:
"Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30ft above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do," replies the man. "How do you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone".
The man below says:
"And let me guess, you must work in upper management".
"I do," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault".

Work and money

THESIS:
Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true.

POSTULATE 1:
Knowledge is power.

POSTULATE 2:
Time is money.

PROOF:
As every engineer knows,

Work
------- = Power
Time

since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have

Work
--------- = Knowledge
Money

solving for Money, we get

Work
------------- = Money
Knowledge

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.